Post Commentary Sparks Revisionist Art

The Washington Post published a commentary by Phillip Kennicott in today's Style Section that got me thinking about the recent art/censorship/gay controversy surrounding a video created by the artist David Wojnarowicz, and subsequently removed from the National Portrait Gallery exhibit, Hide/Seek: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture.

The dustup was sparked by Bill Donohue, president (and apparently the only member of) the Catholic League who vehemently attacked Wojnarowicz's video A Fire in My Belly as being anti-catholic. His real agenda appears to be to stoke the tiresome culture wars that continue around homosexuality in this country, and Mr. Donohue is quite successful in that regard. He set an anti-gay trap for the exhibition and for the Smithsonian, and R. Wayne Clough, Secretary of the Smithsonian walked right into it.

And R. Wayne Clough just kept right on walking. He's been silent on the issue ever since he made the decision to remove the video. The controversy (air quotes), the anti-catholic message (ironic air quotes) of the video stems from an approximately eleven second segment which shows ants climbing over a crucifix. Donohue took this segment completely out of the context of the remainder of the video, and denounced the whole piece as being anti-catholic. And Mr. Clough went along for the ride, feeling that it was better to appease the Catholic League, then to let museum goers make up their own minds.

Mr. Kennicott in his commentary calls for Mr. Clough to resign his post as Secretary. Kennicott further states that the curators of the exhibit should honor AA Bronson's request to have his work, Felix, June 5, 1994, removed from the exhibition in protest over the censoring of Wojnarwoicz's video. Indeed, the huge blank wall at the end of the exhibition would bear mute testimony to something, but I'm not sure to what. I have a better idea.

The curators should remove Felix, June 5, 1994 from the exhibition. Then they should nail R. Wayne Clough to the wall in its place. It serves the catholic need of Mr. Donohue, and it certainly is Roman in its application of justice. It will also please the masses.

R. Wayne Clough after the exhibition curators added him to "Hide/Seek"

October 15, 1987

Here's some history that Ron saved, a letter to my parents written twenty years ago after a gay civil rights march in Washington DC

Dear Mom & Dad,

This is the third day I've stayed home this week with the October yukkies. I should have stayed home yesterday, but didn't, so today I feel like a piece of brain dead cupcake. Ron and I pushed too hard on the weekend, and I just got too strung out.

And what a weekend! We had seven houseguests - two from Oregon (Kim and Ron), two from California (Bob & Kat), and one each from Florida (Howie), Massachusetts (Zev), and New York (Michael). Bob and Kat arrived a week ago, stayed with us over the weekend, then went on to New York City. All of the guests then descended on us last Friday, and the last of them left on Tuesday.

The occasion was the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. The event was like a very large family gathering, all 500,000 of us. We participated in activities all weekend long. Friday evening was spent getting people settled, and just talking. It was the first time in 4-1/2 years that Kim, Bob, and I had been together. So we shared a lot of dumb Hanford stories, and probably bored everyone else to tears.

Saturday started out early for Kim (and Michael, too), Kat, and me. We went to Arlington National Cemetery to be part of a national Frontrunners group escorting Brent Nicolson-Earle in to Washington, D.C. There was a short press conference at the cemetery, then we ran across Memorial Bridge up the Mall in front of the Capitol, and ended at the Ellipse behind the White House. Brent said a few words at a brief memorial service for those who have died with AIDS. He is running around the country, raising funds for local AIDS caregiving groups. He has already run through 38 state capitals, and he's still running. He averages a run of 22 miles each day.

After the run, we came home to change. Ron, Kim, and I went to lunch. Kat and Bob left for downtown, and Kim was supposed to join his Ron after lunch. (Ron was downtown sightseeing. There aren't many museums in Eugene, Oregon, so Ron was in Heaven, "And they're all free!")

Ron and I hadn't made any particular plans for the afternoon, but he wanted to go see the "wedding." A group had organized a wedding for Gay couples Saturday afternoon. I was leery of it, thinking that it could be really awful - visions of inappropriate heterosexual and patriarchal models (no offense intended) - everything that Ron's and my relationship isn't. Furthermore, the ceremony was publicized as non-sectarian, and again, I had visions of a ceremony full of sentimental mish-mash, and robbed of its sacred promise to bless a relationship. Needless to say, I had misgivings about even being in the same state, much less attending. But Ron really wanted to go.

So we hopped in the car at 1:40 (it began at 2 o'clock) and raced down to the Mall. Parking was awful, but we arrived at 2:10, and hadn't missed anything. Immediately, I knew that this wasn't an ordinary wedding. 3 blocks of Constitution Avenue were jammed with couples, many in wedding outfits, many in "good" clothes, and some in jeans. Karen Thompson spoke to us. Her partner, Sharon Kowalski, was injured in an auto accident several years ago, and after a bitter custody battle with Sharon's parents, Karen has not been allowed to see Sharon for three years. Other stories were told about lovers who could not visit a sick partner in the hospital, and parents who refused to respect a partner's wishes regarding funeral arrangements - those kinds of activities that are never questioned for straight, married couples. What I want in my partnership with Ron is respect - respect for our wishes, respect for our life together.

At first, I thought the wedding ceremony might be a mockery of what I consider to be a sacred and holy act - two people committing their lives to each other. But in the events of the afternoon I came more clearly to see other things. First of all, society makes a mockery of our relationships by refusing to recognize them. Worse than that it despises our relationships by having sodomy laws on the books, by refusing custody and visitation to Gay couples, by denying us in a hundred little ways the right to be a family. I mean, I love Ron, and he's more than a friend or a roommate. He's my partner and lover.

So when the invitation to participate in the wedding was made, Ron and I moved into the crowd. We held each other's hands, and we made promises to each other, promises that will strengthen our relationship, but more than that, promises to reaffirm our love and our family. I realize that no society, no institution, no person or power can set apart our relationship; Ron and I have to do that together. Even though church and state withhold their sacraments and recognition, none of that makes our promises to each other less binding. We made holy promises because we made them holy.

We stood in the midst of thousands of other couples who were doing the same thing. There were not many dry eyes. All of us realized the solemnity and the joy of the day. At the end of the ceremony, hundreds of balloons were set free, rising into the sky with our own hopes and dreams. We congratulated the couples around us and they congratulated us. Several couples broke out champagne to toast their wedding. Lots of rice was thrown (I still have some in my shirt and pants). So I think that October 10 will be a special date and anniversary for us.

But that isn't all! After the wedding, we went to an open house that a couple from St. Margaret's were hosting. We also invited our out-of-town guests to go (the hosts said the more, the merrier). We had an enjoyable time meeting many other people from around town and around the country.

Washington was really amazing over the weekend. As one of our guests said, "It's like someone waved a magic wand and turned the city into fairyland." It's a wonderful feeling, seeing and being among so many Lesbians and Gay man. I felt very, very happy.

Back to the story, When we left the open house, Ron went home to help Howie with dinner (Howie wanted to cook us a big meal). I went on to a Fronrunners reception being held at one of the downtown bars. The Onyx is an old bank building, and the bar has incorporated all of the bank furnishings. Lots of marble. The reception was very nice. About 300 Frontrunners came from around the country. I talked at some length with an FR from San Francisco. He's a former priest, and he had an interesting story. I stayed until about 7:30, then I headed back to Silver Spring.

Well, dinner was supposed to be at 8, but we started eating at 10:30. However, Howie did prepare a wonderful and tasty meal, even if he did destroy every single dish, bowl, and utensil in the kitchen. One of his dishes was bulgar burgers, and we still have enough in the freezer to feed the Austrian army. Howie made a mite too much.

In a way, I was glad we ate so late, because we had an opportunity to do lots of talking. Ron's friend, Joey, from New York City came to dinner, and brought another guest as well. So we had lots of good talk, good food, and dirty dishes. (I did a lot of the dishes after dinner, but we were still finding survivors in the rubble on Tuesday.)

Sunday dawned too early. Nine sleepy guys had to get ready for the biggest event we'd ever been in. Most of us (not me, though) had breakfast, but Howie and I decided to go for a run, which we did. I took him around parts of Sligo Creek Parkway, and we did about 5 miles. After ablutions, we took the Metro downtown, in several different groups (Howie took his car). The march was stepping off from the Ellipse, which was crowded with hundreds of thousands of people. We found the Pacific Northwest contingent (including Idaho). Meanwhile, Ron and I got press passes (he's covering it for the upcoming AIDS issue of C&EN). I was his assistant and helped carry his bag, etc. I also asked people, a couple of times, to hold their banner this way or that way so that Ron could get a better picture. The press pass earned me some instant, if undeserved, respect.

When the march stepped off, Ron and I stepped out in front to get pictures of a group of Persons with AIDS (PWAs) in wheel chairs. Many of them were badly ravaged by the disease. Ron got lots of pictures, trying to work in the White House and other public buildings as backdrops to the march.

We continued taking pictures, but eventually joined the march itself, on Pennsylvania Avenue, near the Old Post Office. We marched with the Washington, Oregon, and Idaho contingents (we met Kim and Ron with the Oregon group). The Idaho group had a clever little shout that spelled out "IDAHOMO" (they also sang the state song), and the Oregon people were singing to the tune of Row Row, Row Your Boat: "We're from Oregon / Lesbians and Queers / Gaily, Gaily, Gaily, Gaily / We've been there for years." The Oregon people were rather shy and retiring, like Garrison Keilor's Prairie Home Companions, - granola in flannel shirts. Washington, on the other hand, was a band of organized activists. But my heart was truly with Idaho - most of whom were transplanted compatriots. Like true Idahoans, they were out for a good cowboy time on a Saturday night. Their cheer brought lots of laughter, and their (I should say our - I mean I shouted myself hoarse) rendition of "Here We Have Idaho" was quite good.

Other groups of note included the Gay Mormons with a few bent elders, some corn fed Iowa Queers (as they called themselves), and a large contingent from the Show Me State. Every state except South Dakota had a contingent.

And people everywhere. The march stepped off at noon, and the end of the march reached the Mall at 5:15. Official estimates of the crowd were over 200,000, but unofficial counts indicated about a half million people. It was the second largest demonstration in D.C.

Also on the Mall was a large quilt composed of panels memorializing persons who had died from AIDS. The quilt covered the area of two football fields. People could walk on walkways on the quilt - it was a very somber memorial, lots of tears. I walked along the edge, and a woman came up to me and we hugged each other. The quilt brings home the enormity of the human suffering caused by this awful disease. It also serves as a reminder about the negligence of this administration that has done next to nothing to help the sufferers and educate the public. These people need love but are shunned by a hysterical public. They need shelter, but are turned out of their homes. They need work but are fired by their employers. They need medical care but are made destitute and dependent by the enormous cost of the disease.

Kim came up to me after he saw the quilt. He fell on my shoulder and wept. I held him for a long time.

That's enough for now. I'm going back to bed. Love, John & Ron.

P.S. Mom and Dad in the polemic about marriage, I want to reassure you just how much Ron and I appreciate your support for our relationship. Your love, prayers and concerns have been a strength for me in the years Ron and I have been together. You have blessed our family in your words, and in your deeds.

Happy's Safer Sex Thoughts

As chronicled on Doodle Today, I recently contracted a sexually transmitted infection, which was easily treated. The experience has made me think about my sexual habits, and I wanted to invite a more public discussion among gay men about what constitutes safer sex.

I advocate the following approach:

• Decide what sexual behaviors you desire.
• Acquaint yourself with the risks associated with those sexual behaviors. Educate yourself about risk.
• Devise a behavioral strategy that lets you engage in the behavior you enjoy while mitigating the associated risk.
• Communicate openly with your sexual partners about what you will and won't do.
• Evaluate how well your behavioral strategy works.
• Be vigilant.

Safer sex is not about elminating risk; it's about weighing risk, deciding what's an acceptable level of risk, and adapting behavior to mitigate unacceptable risk. To do this, you need information. A lot of information is out there about specific behaviors, but very little of it actually quantifies risk, which means that you have to use your own judgment, and you may make wrong choices.

I have a couple of goals in my safer sex practices: (1) I want to, as far as possible, prevent getting infected with HIV, and (2) I want to prevent getting infected with hepatitis. Many other diseases can also transmitted sexually, but these two are the big ones for me. Others to be aware of include herpes, HPV, gonorrhea, syphilus, chlamydia, and amoebiasis. These other infections can be severe but appear to me to be associated with less health risk than either HIV or hepatitis. (I may be wrong about this.)

I've created the table, below, that lists common gay male sexual behaviors, some associated risks, and some risk mitigation. This table is by no means complete, and contains information that may not be medically proven or sound. Some of this may be highly controversial, but the objective of this is to get a discussion started, and to get gay men thinking again about how to have enjoyable sex while reducing their risk of sexually transmitted disease.

Sexual Behavior	Associated Risks	Mitigation Behaviors
Kissing	Herpes	Avoid kissing others if you are having an oral herpes outbreak or cold sores. Don't kiss other guys who have cold sores. Ask your partner if he has had herpes or cold sores.
Deep Kissing	Herpes, gonorrhea(?), chlamydia(?)	Flossing or brushing your teeth immediately before deep kissing can cause small cuts or abrasions in the mouth that could be a route for infection. [SFAF, 2007] Avoid deep kissing if you are having a herpes outbreak or cold sores. Ask your partner if he has had herpes or cold sores. Gonorrhea and chlamydia can occur in the throat. However, I have not read that they can spread through deep kissing.You should ask your partner whether he has been tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia.
Mutual Masturbation	Syphilus, herpes, gonorrhea(?)	You increase risk of an infection if you stroke another guy who has sores, ulcers or discharges caused by STDs then stroke yourself [S-CDC, 2008]. If you have syphilis or herpes and sores are present on your penis, do not mutually masturbate with another guy. Look at your partner's penis. If he has sores on it, or any discharge that looks abnormal, do not touch his penis! You can pretty much eliminate the risk by using latex gloves [SFAF, 2007].
Oral Sex	Syphilis, herpes, gonorrhea, HIV, hepatitis A and B, chlamydia	Without ejaculation, the risk of HIV infection is very low [USCF, 2003]. In unprotected oral sex, with ejaculation, the risk for the receptive partner is about 1/7 or less than the risk of HIV infection for a receptive partner in unprotected anal sex [ucsf, 2003].You greatly minimize chance of infection by using a condom during oral sex. Having said that, I know few gay men who do. The guy who is sucking is at greater risk than the guy who is getting sucked. Deep throating ("face fucking") is riskier for both guys than vanilla oral sex [SAP, n.d.]. Other precautions include waiting at least 15 minutes after flossing or brushing teeth before engaging in oral sex. Look at the other guy's penis before you stick it in your mouth. If he has discharges, sores, or ulcers (e.g., gonorrhea or syphilis) other than pre-cum, beware. If it looks skanky, it probably is.
Anal Sex	Syphilis, herpes, gonorrhea, HIV, hepatitis A and B, chlamydia	Having anal sex without a condom is a risky activity for all of the listed STDs. Being a bottom is much riskier for HIV infection than being a top in unprotected sex. The risk for a bottom is approximately a 3 percent chance of HIV infection. For a top, the risk is approximately .1 percent for HIV infection [AFOA/NAPWA, 2001]. This study also concluded about HIV transmission during anal sex that the higher a person's viral load the higher the chance of transmission; the higher the number of parters, the greater the risk; the longer and more vigorous activity, the greater the risk; pulling out before cumming is safer; having other untreated STDs increases the chance of transmission [AFOA/NAPWA, 2001]. Douching before anal sex may increase your risk of infection [SAP, n.d.]. You can greatly minimize your risk of infection by always using a condom.
Rimming	Herpes, Gonorrhea, syphilis, hepatitis B, amoebiasis	HIV is not transmitted through rimming. The big risk with rimming is hepatitis B. If you haven't been vaccinated, get it done now. Successful vaccination eliminates your risk of hepatitis B infection. If you are not vaccinated or cannot form hepatitis B antibodies, you can reduce your risk by giving up rimming, by using a barrier (plastic kitchen wrap works well), and/or having a conversation with your partner to determine whether he has been exposed to or had hepatis B or has been vaccinated. If the latter, and you trust that he is telling the truth, well stick your tongue where you will. The other really unpleasant and debilitating infection you can get from rimming is amoebiasis. It's extremely unpleasant, and the treatment is extremely unpleasant.
Fisting	HIV, hepatitis A and B, gonorrhea, syphilis	In fisting, the risk is spreading infection from the guy being fisted to the partner who is inserting his hand [SFAF, 2007]. The mode of infection is through any cuts or sores on the hand. You greatly reduce the risk of spreading infection if you use latex gloves.
S&M	--	The risk of infection during an S&M encounter depends on the sexual behavior you have during the encounter (see above behaviors). If you are going to be shaving, piercing, or doing anything that can cause bleeding, you can minimize risk of infection by using gloves, and keeping blood off of any cuts or sores. If you play watersports, it may create a mess in your dungeon, but the good news is that it's overall a low-risk activity.
Toys	Just about everything listed above	The easiest way to reduce risk of shared infection with toys is not to share them. If you do share, always wash the toy with an antibacterial soap. You can also use condoms on the toys. It helps with the cleanup, too.

If you always use condoms (and gloves for fisting), you greatly reduce your risk of infection. If you limit the number of partners that you have, you reduce your risk of infection. You don't eliminate it, though. Be careful how you play. Be open and honest about your sexual history with other guys. Finally, when you talk to your doctor, or to an STD clinic counselor, ask them to clarify, and where possible to quantify risk associated with sexual behaviors so that you can make informed judgments about the risks, and decide how you will avoid or lower them. And, of course, you can just decide not to have sex at all, but that's not an option for most of us.

Twenty-five Years and Counting

This past week was International AIDS Day. Millions have HIV, millions have died, and millions don't know they are infected. I've somehow avoided getting infected since the world first became aware of the disease in the early 1980s, but I think early on that was just dumb luck. What scares and fascinates me is that people still sero-convert, I mean gay men my age who have lived through this so far still sero-convert. Their sero-conversion scares me because I know it can happen to me, and it fascinates me because the story of how they sero-converted is rarely told.

I think their stories need to be told. The problem with safer sex is that many of us act as if it means "safe" sex, and each of us carries around in our head our own definition of safe. Safer is not risk-free, and so knowing how men sero-convert is important because we can begin to learn what we collectively think safer means. We can begin to quantitatively and qualitatively evaluate what safe is and what risk is.

Safer for most of us falls within the range of masturbation and taking a load up the butt. Between those two points also lays "risky" and "pleasure" and "I guess I can do it just this once." The realm of safer sex is relative. Safer sex demands that men balance behavior and lust, that we act rationally without all the facts, or that we abstain. In moments of anger, or shame, or ignorance, misjudgments occur. Condoms break. Or the canker sore gets overlooked during the blow job.

In the meantime, twenty-five years and counting, the research has not been done, and men having sex with other men continue to sero-convert.

Sero-Converting 20 Years Later

I read an article in the Washington Post by a journalist who had sero-converted at age 49 - about 20 years after we knew what caused AIDS. The article was somewhat chilling to me, because I am sometimes careless, maybe risky, and don't have all the information needed to make some informed choices about sex.

The journalist never stated how he sero-converted, saying that only negative guys worry about that. Positve guys just want to get on with their lives. I don't have any argument with that except that I want to know, why do gay men sero-convert after 20 years of education, marching in the streets, safe sex campaigns, and watching all of their friends of a certain age die? I want to know the answer because I carry a gray cloud in the back of my head every time I have sex with someone who is not my partner.

Is this guy telling me the truth? Am I telling him the truth? Is he really negative? Am I really negative? How risky is unprotected fellatio? How risky is rimming my best friend? How risky is bareback sex with a positive guy with no detectable viral load? And what does that mean, anyway? I want the guy to tell me how he sero-converted so that I can make my own informed decisions about the sex I have with him. I want the guy to tell me how he sero-converted so that the next time I visit my doctor I don't get told, "You're positive."

I'm angry with myself for doing stupid sexual acts. I'm angry with my partners who don't tell me the whole story. I'm angry with the whole Safer Sex establishment for not providing real and truthful facts about real men having real sex with each other. So we go on spreading the disease, killing each other slowly, all because we don't have good, actionable information from which to decide how to act sexually and how to act responsibly.