Thursday, June 26, 2008

Blog Ennui

Part of my job as a retired man of leisure is to write in here on a regular basis. I can't tell you how difficult that it, especially in my busy life! I think I've mentioned in here, how extraordinarily eventful my schedule is. Why, I'm even scheduled for next year! So how do I ever find time to write in here?

Part of the problem of writing, is that I don't often know what to write about, because the sad truth is, my life is kind of pathetic, and kind of apathetic, all at the same time. I mean, there's the usual going to the gym, and the occasional "gentleman caller" (you know what I mean), but Ophrah hasn't called, and Barack is not sending me nearly the number of emails that he used to - in part, I believe because he's discovered the lure of big contributors, and knows that I don't cut the mustard.

Speaking of which, I've been having a lot of gas recently. It makes loud gurgles, then I involuntarily shudder, and there is this enormous WHOOSH, then a disgusting sound. Happily, most of the gas doesn't smell bad, but you know, it's embarrassing! I'm out dancing on the floor, and I have this rhythmic pressurized sputtering in time to the music. I hope the other dancers just think it's squeaky shoe soles. I hope sidestream gas doesn't cause health effects, or I'll have to go outside for long periods of time most days.

Back to gentlemen callers. Hey guys, I really do enjoy having you over to my place. The sex is okay, but please don't be fooled by my profiles. I'm telling the truth, but the fantasy, really is better than the facts, and that goes for your profiles, and my fantasies, too. Please set your expectations low; that way you'll always be thrilled by the outcome. And after a gym workout, sex is going to seem a little arduous. I'm also not going to remember your name, so get over it. It's nothing personal at all.

I don't want to look like this
I don't want
to look like this

I am trying to watch my calories, though. I don't want to look like this. This is either a tourist or a baseball fan. I was impressed. Actually, I'm thanking this guy, because he is an object lesson to me. If I ever look like this, OR ever make this kind of a fashion statement, even if it is 10:45 p.m. on a Monday night on the Red Line, well, just shoot me, in the butt.

So I made a turkey meatloaf the other day - the all ground breast meat kind. Okay, I know some of you are rolling your eyes, but this was really good, moist, tasty, and not too turkey-like at all. I even served it with a wine reduction, ummmmm.

So why turkey and not beef? I'm seriously cutting back on beef. It's an ethical thing. Beef culture is choosing to spill greenhouse gases all over the place, not to mention that cows are peculiarly inefficient protein converters. Besides, I'm having fun experimenting with turkey. Please don't tell me about turkey ethics, yet.