Friday, June 27, 2008

Erectile Dysfunction, and Then Some

I went over to see Tim yesterday. Most times when I go to see Tim, I take a little blue pill before the engagement. Like a Boy Scout, I want to be prepared, just in case. He had told me he wasn't feeling in top form, but you just never know when you'll need all you can give.

There was, however, a small problem. I was having a business lunch prior to going to Tim's. One of the problems with the little blue pill is that it doesn't work if you've eaten any fat, and I mean we're talking five grams or so before you take the pill. The pill simply doesn't work, and you have to wait a couple of hours. I didn't have the time, so I had a very low-fat lunch, and I took the pill before taking the Metro to Tim's house.

I can be very persuasive. Tim wasn't particularly in the mood, but me being me, that didn't appear to be too much of an obstacle. And of course, Tim turned into a horndog as soon as he hit the mattress, anyway. The blue pill didn't work. This isn't the first time this has happened. I get long and snaky, but only half hard. We're making out like crazy. We're touching in places, groaning, pinching, poking, rubbing, and Mr. Penis-Head is drooling, but is showing no backbone, whatsoever.

We snooze a bit. We engage again, and no apparent neural messages get sent southward. I'm stroking, beating, jerking, and nothing happens. I tell Tim, I'm takin' another pill, then we're checking back in, in about 20 minutes.

Twenty minutes pass. We do some adolescent making out, and hey, something's moving down there. Something's awake, aroused, and up for some hottie horizontal action! Thank God for Viagra®! This is better living through chemistry! I sink into bliss. I rock. I roll. I'm hitting every note.

I guess I'm looking a little crazed because Tim yells out, "Not inside!" I jerk out and explode, and we're talking neutron bomb at least. I'm gasping and guffawing (I am, after all, a country lad). I'm totally out of control, laughing like I'll never ever laugh again. Crying. Tears. Joy in the moment, like I've never had sex before and this is the very first time. I collapse on Tim, trying to find a little bit of dignity.

I don't know what hit me. I don't know what blew my head off. I make no apologies for this blog entry. It was an adolescent moment, but with 40 years on adolescence, I can now fully appreciate its mystery and its wonder.