Happy's Advice for Sex Profiles

I never thought when I was growing up that I would be 56 and worried about my profile on ManHunt.net. For those genteel readers who don't know, ManHunt is a web site where men can find other men for sex, friendship, or relationships, although it's primarily for sex.

I first wondered if my profile was delivering the right message when a guy came over for sex, looks me over, and says, "You look much older than your profile." That's not the right answer. I've since uploaded some new pictures (yes, I look older in them), and I decided to emphasize connection in the pictures, rather than sex.

Believe me, when I'm on ManHunt, I'm looking, but I want to connect with another guy, too. I want to know part of his story. I want to see his face before I see what is in his pants. Frankly, I want to see him wearing some pants, at least in one or two pictures in his profile.

I have developed some profile heuristics. Use them at your peril:

1. Be truthful. You will regret any prevarication that creeps into your profile. You will be found out.
2. Show some broadmindedness. If your criteria for hooking up are too narrow or your standards are too high, you won't get many hits. Keep your standards low.
3. Include at least one face picture. Other guys really do want to know what you look like, and ditch the sunglasses. And no crap about your important job, or that you have to be discreet. Ahem... you're on a sex site! If you're discreet, you wouldn't be here.
4. Include one or two pics that show you doing something you love, that tell a story about you. These pics can be clothed or naked, but should show other men you have a life. Show a little mystery!
5. One or two penis shots are okay. Six are too many. Same goes for buttholes.
6. Apply this test: will other guys look at your pictures and ask, "What was he thinking?" or worse, "What was he smoking?"
7. Pictures should be clear, and large enough to show some details. Thumbnail pics make your endowment and everything else look tiny tiny.
8. Finally, it's better to tell guys what you want, not what you don't want. Keep the text upbeat. Sell yourself with a smile.

It's just that simple! I certainly have found sex on the Internet, but I've also found love, and wonderful friends. And it's a lot more comforting, when you're desperately seeking sex, to know that you have a trusty profile.